Harvest Moon A New Beginning

Harvest Moon  A New Beginning- Insider Gameplay

What follows is a memoir from my time in Echo Village. I present this diary to you unedited, so that you may witness the unvarnished truth of my rise to power as the most powerful drug lord/cow namer the world has ever known. While the content is not explicit, I still advise the more squeamish among you to look away. Gender barriers will be crossed, animals will be impregnated, and I will do everything in my power to avoid doing an honest day’s work. You have been warned.

PROS	Llamas, Yaks, Cows, etc.
CONS	I can’t shoot trespassers
WTF?!	How does Neil fit into those pants?

Day 0: Before setting off on my journey, I decided that I needed a new look. External genitalia? That’s old news. If I’m going to return to nature–to have a New Beginning, if you will–then it’s about time that I got in touch with my feminine side as well. Eye color, hair color, and hair style were no problem. The whole rainbow was mine to choose from, so I settled on brown, brown, and medium length–apparently the rarest combination in Japanese media. Interestingly, my wardrobe choices were limited to just two basic sets. Oh well, I guess I’ll just go shopping when I get to Echo Village. Of course, with a new body comes a new name. From now on, I will be known as Kratos.

Day 1: My arrival into town was mostly uneventful. I found a man dying on the side of the road, but I’m basically used to that by now. The old wino introduced himself as Dunhill and explained to me that my family had sent me to the village to tend to our homestead in the heart of a struggling community. I probably should have known all of that information already, but his explanation of my family history was strangely enlightening. Afterwards, we went into town so I could lay my eyes on my ancestral home, my birthright. It was beautiful.

“Give your farm a name,” Dunhill said.

“Butts Farm,” I whispered, a single tear rolling down my cheek.

THEN I PICKED UP MY HOUSE AND RAN OFF INTO THE SUNSET.

Day 2: My first morning in Echo Village was a bit awkward. Dunhill broke into my house at 6 in the morning reeking of whiskey and sadness. I briefly considered pepper spraying him to discourage such behavior, but it seems as though I brought literally no supplies with me on the perilous journey into the barren wilderness. Smooth move, Kratos.

After our morning rendezvous, I let the old drunkard drag me around town and introduce me to everyone. Some of the people were nice enough, but I was a lot more interested in the animals of the surrounding forest. As soon as Dunhill was done yapping about seeds and whatnot, I made a beeline for the nearest glen. Immediately, I was surrounded by creatures of all shapes and sizes. Foxes, bears, monkeys, and more traipsed through the woods, as if they didn’t have a care in the world. I quickly put a stop to that nonsense, picking up every fauna I could get my hands on and heaving it as far as I could. My proudest achievement was throwing a furious little bird against a big, fat pig. Suck it, Rovio.

Day 3: Dunhill is still trying to get me to farm. I’m starting to wonder if he would be missed. There are only a few people in the whole village, and they pretty much keep to themselves, so it’s possible that… Hmmm, I need to think this one through a little bit more.

NO REAL ANIMALS WERE HARMED IN THE MAKING OF THIS REVIEW

Day 4: Another boring day on the farm turned into an epiphany. Ol’ Farmy Pants was still teaching me the basics of agriculture (Seriously, this is taking days) when we hit upon an activity that really spoke to me.

“Press the A button to pick up objects,” he said.

“What’s an A button?” I replied.

“Press the A button to pick up objects,” he repeated, apparently stuck in a dialogue loop.

I finally acquiesced and went around the yard, pocketing detritus as I went. A stick here, a rock there, until suddenly… everything changed.

“I see you picked up some weed there,” Dunhill observed.

“You didn’t see anything,” I snapped. “You tell anyone different and I’ll cut you.”

I haven’t talked to Dunhill since.Day 25: My drug empire has been steadily expanding since that fateful day in my front yard when I first stumbled upon that weed. Weed prices in Echo Village are surprisingly low, which I assume has something to do with the loamy soil. Admittedly, I don’t get a lot of time to properly manage my grow house when I faint halfway through each and every day. It probably has something to do with the fact that I never eat, but I can’t really afford food, since I don’t grow any edible crops. My lack of food crops also seems to contribute to my hunger. It’s a vicious cycle.

Day 26: This weed thing isn’t working out. I think Dunhill is cutting in on my business. I would take care of him permanently, but I think I found a better alternative. This morning, during my daily animal-throwing routine in the woods, I came across some really interesting mushrooms. I think this may be the future of my operation. First, I need to try them out.

Day 237: I’m not sure where I am. It looks like I’m up in the mountains, but there are colorful tree stumps everywhere, it’s… weird. Hold on, wait a min–

Yep. I’m seeing elves. I didn’t want to admit that, not even to this diary, but I must still be tripping. The elves say that they are Harvest Sprites named Alice and Aaron. I don’t trust them. They gave me a hammer to hit the tree stumps, but I wasn’t really listening to their explanation, so I guess I’ll just hammer-murder them when they turn their backs.

Damn. They’re gone. I guess I’ll go visit Dunhill.

WUT.

Day 238: Things have settled down here on Butts Farm. I wasn’t able to expand into the shroom trade, but I did manage to acquire a fishing pole, which means I once again have the opportunity to feast on the flesh of the living. Oh, I also caught some butterflies, but I guess you can’t eat those. Who knew?

Day 239: It looks like Echo Village has a new resident. The previously-abandoned animal shop is now fully staffed by the newcomer, Neil. Let’s be honest here: Neil is hot. I’d hit that like ten tons of bricks. Between his smoldering gaze, tousled hair, and utter lack of interest in me, I’m surprised I can stop ogling him long enough to eat live fish out of the river. Farm life is looking up.

WHAT A DREAMBOAT.

Day 240: Since Neil has such a soft spot for animals, I decided that my new mission is to build up a stable of livestock. I named my first three cows Burger, Steak, and Frodo. Then I picked up some chickens, calling them Wings, Breast, and Thighs. An arbitrary character limit prevented me from calling the last one “6-Pieces Extra Crispy,” but now that’s his middle name. Despite all of this animal husbandry (Shut up, it’s not as weird as it sounds), Neil has yet to notice me.

Day 245: Score! I don’t like to kiss and tell, but I totally got some last night. It turns out that the fastest way to Neil’s heart was with cow sex.

Wait, that didn’t come out right. What I meant to say was that I paid Neil to impregnate my cow.

No, hold on. That sounds wrong too. You know what? Never mind, diary. You’re just Jellicent of my new love and my new calf. I named him Veal.

Day 260: There are plenty of things left to do here in Echo Village and on my own personal slice of heaven, Butts Farm. There are animals to raise, crops to grow, new areas to discover, and plenty of mechanics to try. Unfortunately, that sounds like a lot of work. I think I’m just going to stay inside and experiment with different kinds of soup. What else is there for a lazy farmer to do? I mean, online connectivity? What is this, FarmVille? Diglett, please.

I have everything I’ve ever wanted. My fields are full of weed, my bed is full of androgyny, and my barn is… probably full of bones. Damn, I forgot to feed the animals. Hmmm… I bet I can frame Dunhill for this.